Memoirs (of a man)
by Ms.GrinAndCry
Summary: Memoirs of a man. "At night, the monsters came out to play. And I was always there to greet them." Last piece in the Memoirs packet. Enjoy, review, and enjoy. Have a Gay Day.
1. Prologue

Prologue

Late.

Again.


	2. Chapter One

When dad died, he took with him what little I had of my childhood.

Was left incomplete. Ashamed.

Looked for approval amongst civilians and ninja alike. Looked for tender eyes (_understanding, love) _and soft smiles.

Never found them.

Immersed myself in despair and came out a monster.

Strove for perfection and in an ill twist of fate, achieved it.

Became a weapon, a blade; I was the sharpest kunai in Konohagakure.

The village feared me.

* * *

"A ninja must see underneath the underneath."

* * *

**AN.: Hello. This is the author here. Just popped up to announce: this is the last installment in the Memoirs (...) packet. Enjoy.**

**Rate and Review.**

**Have a Gay Day.**


	3. Chapter Two

Chapter Two

Village full of brooding old men and frigid clan heads, riddled with a darkness that hovered over it like an upcoming storm.

"The best", we used to say. We were the best, the strongest, (_the stupidest)_, and the meanest.

The dark alleys crowded at night, when mothers told their children to get inside the house and looked outside in anxiety; fearing.

At night, the monsters came out to play.

And I was always there to greet them.

The women of filthy money and red lights always came out first. Would stand in congregations at every corner, leering at the moon with barely hidden disdain and laughing mean, shallow laughs. Then the street urchins, the orphans, and all the other damned children would poke their little heads into the darkness, struggling to survive; trying not to drown. Up next came the civilians, mostly men, although some women also showed up, in search of sex, drugs, alcohol, and a way to drown their shame.

The last ones to appear were always the ninja.

Women ninja, men ninja, children ninja – they gathered in loneliness, each one cloaked with their own individual regrets and suffering.

If you saw a familiar face around, you did not acknowledge it; you did not bring it up.

What happened in the darkness stayed within the darkness.

Saw Gai, once. The night shrouded him like a blanket.

_Shudder._

I can never quite forget, regardless of how much and how hard I try.

Remember eyes that shone with youth, vigor, and exuberance; remember ridiculous perfect posture and booming voice, blinding smile, and _**shudder,**_ remembering the night when his eyes were grim orbs of obscurity and his posture that akin to a man's on the brink of death.

* * *

I'm old, somewhat. I can hear my bones creak with past regrets, past mistakes.

I should've known better.

I told the Third, a long time ago, and I still tell myself now.

"_Those brats will be the death of me."_

* * *

"People who are born as prodigies aren't happy. But those who believe in themselves to the end, and work hard with a fiery spirit, are."

_amour._


	4. Chapter Three

Chapter Three

The first C rank with the kids went to shit in the blink of an eye. I knew it the minute I stepped foot in the Hokage's office and set eye upon the client.

He reeked of booze (and lies).

Still, I'd thought it wouldn't escalate, not past a B rank, anyway.

Boy, was I wrong.

Felt warmth and chill seep through my fingers like sand. Heard squelch of body fluids and the crunch of bones and the stillness of heart and the rupture of muscles and the whispers of last words and the paralyzing shock of demon-child and the fury and despair of Kirigakure devil and the horror of civilian and the pumping of my own heart and the terror in my chest andand theaoganfOHGOD-

NO.

NO.

* * *

Camped out in the woods on our way back to Konoha.

"Good ninja training," I'd drawled, settling on a high branch, "Helps to enhance your senses."

Sakura ignored me in favor of staring lovingly at Sasuke whilst also trying to drill a hole in Naruto's head.

Sasuke ignored me in favor of staring discreetly at Naruto whislt also trying to drill a hole in the ground.

But Naruto heard.

He hears all.

He hears all and he remembers all.

Sometimes, I can't help but find myself praying. I kneel at the Yondaime's grave and pray for what his son has become, what he could become (_another me,_ I think).

"… Naruto?"

"… what?"

A pause. My skin crawls.

"Are you allright?"

"Why wouldn't I be?"

Quick answer. Worrying.

Sasuke frowned.

"You know…," he began, voice wavering with the memories of a slaughter, "You know… sometimes when I can't sleep, I like to go outside and stare at the darkness. Do you like the darkness, Naruto?"

Held breath. Held breath and dismayed.

A nod.

Sasuke continued, "When I stare at the darkness, it stares back at me. We have the same eyes, you and I. We've dwelled in the darkness too much. We've become one with the darkness, so much so that we've forgotten the shine of the stars."

Breaths. Slow, painful to hear.

"Naruto, I… I'm sorr-,"

"Enough."

The boy recoiled as if struck.

"Sasuke, I do not look for remorse. Go to sleep. The darkness will be there even if the night is not. Good night."

That was the start.

The start of a tragedy.

* * *

"I am Hatake Kakashi. I have no intentions of telling you my likes and dislikes. As for my dream... I have few hobbies."


	5. Chapter Four

Chapter Four

They used to say they were brothers, but I knew better.

They were lovers.

Together, they were beautiful.

But their relationship was doomed from the very beginning.

Sasuke was much too dependent on his hatred for Itachi and his love for Naruto. It was only a matter of time before he confused his own feelings and came to develop a warped sense of "love".

And Naruto… poor, pariah Naruto.

He'd never known love. It was only natural for him to take whatever scraps were thrown at him. Even if the scraps were thorny and damaged.

Both boys looked at each other like maybe they were gods. Sometimes, when they thought no one was looking, I could see the magic in their eyes. They loved so fully and whole-heartedly it was painful to see. Reminiscing now, I remember Sasuke's smiles. The only ones I'd seen. And Naruto's barks of laughter. The only real laughs I'd ever heard.

They needed each other like they needed oxygen.

It was beautiful.

And heartbreaking.

When Sasuke defected, he took with him what little sunshine Naruto had in his eyes.

He left us a thunderstorm.

* * *

News of the last Uchiha's demise reached the villages faster than wildfire.

Sasuke…?

Sasuke? Dead?

Naruto killed him… ?

No.

No way.

* * *

Waited for the village hero, ex-pariah, by the gates.

Waited until I could see a distant blood-drenched shadow shuffling through the road.

Waited.

And waited.

And waited.

And when Naruto finally arrived home, I took a look into his eyes and broke down in tears.

* * *

"Like the fate of the two who founded the village of Konoha… Naruto and Sasuke… _**your fates are like theirs**."_

_8_


	6. Chapter Five

Chapter Five

The following years were not easy, not at all.

Had to keep Naruto breathing. He would be reckless, irrational. He no longer cared whether he lived or died. He no longer cared about dreams, love, friends, or hope.

At one point, I had to save him from that Danzo bastard.

Found Naruto chained to a wall, eyes deader than a dead man's.

Felt cold fury at the pit of my stomach.

As I carried him out, I couldn't help but bite my tongue, lest I use it to lash out against the unstable youth.

I wanted, so badly I wanted to ask, "Why?"

Why can't you just let go?

Why?

Naruto, why?!

* * *

Later that week, I had the pleasure of taking Danzo's head.

After the execution, I took my first out of town mission in what seemed like years.

The mission was fairly simple: assassinate the son of a wealthy politician. The mission was over in two days. I was glad that it went smoothly; I really couldn't wait to go back to Konoha.

Little did I know the hell that awaited me.

* * *

"You think you're the only ones who matter. You think you can put off death. But that peace made you foolish and thoughtless. If you kill someone, someone else will kill you… this hatred binds us together."


	7. Chapter Six: Ragnarok

End: Ragnarok

I knew it before I even smelled the scent of burning flesh.

Crossing the gates in a flash, I reeled back, paralyzed.

Disfigured bodies - men, women, children, and ninja - littered the ground like the remnants of fireworks the day after the New Year's celebration.

The village was burning.

And only one person stood amongst the debris.

"Naruto, you…"

I cursed at myself.

I'd been foolish. We'd all been foolish.

We had molded a demon into a razor sharp blade, we'd fed the monster dreams of glory and love; we'd granted him friends, we'd given him a lover. We'd made him a man and taken away his humanity.

It wasn't the monster we should have watched out for.

It was the man. It was the person.

We'd failed to take notice of his humanity, and now we were paying the price.

Steeling myself for further dismay, I approached- I, I approached Nar-_Narut_-, I approached my sensei's son, I approached my student, I approached Sasuke's lover and best friend, I approached Sakura's rival, I approached… I approached my _son_.

My son?

… I approached.

"Naruto, why…?"

His back was wide open. He wasn't looking at me at all.

I could have done it.

I could have killed him.

"Naruto-," I could feel myself breaking, "Naruto, where's Sakura?"

Silence.

"Naruto, please… Naruto, _please_…"

Silence.

He started to walk away.

My feet wouldn't move.

Everyone… Sakura, Kurenai and her son, even Iruka… everyone was gone.

I stood there for what seemed like centuries, gazing after Naruto's retreating form, looking at the way his broad back shrank as he walked out of sight.

Late.

Again.

* * *

"I won't allow my comrades to die. I'll protect you with my life. Trust me." - _Hatake Kakashi, before plunging to fight Momichi Zabuza._

_**fin.**_


End file.
